ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
