Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
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