i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
