I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
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