sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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