We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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