Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Randomize
