Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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