i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
