I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
