i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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