Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
bring money and cleavage
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Randomize
