i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
