She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
