I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Randomize