is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
