woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Randomize
