wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
