I didn't shave. On purpose
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
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