During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
