I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
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then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
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I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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