the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
