If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Randomize
