So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
