Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
