Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
