Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
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