is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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