you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Randomize
