Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
