2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
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