I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
