So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
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I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
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Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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