Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Randomize
