your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
