I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Randomize
