actually, I'm a sock model
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
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