After last night, I could never be a politician.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
