i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
