I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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