You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
