Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
