when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
