Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Randomize
