Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
