He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
