today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
God I need to hump something, right now.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
