Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
