Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
