HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
No more Irish car bombs ever.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
