I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
I wish you could order shots online.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Randomize
