I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Randomize
