I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Randomize