u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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