I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
True strength comes from lack of pants
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
