I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize
