Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Randomize
