Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Randomize
