Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
You were trust falling into bushes
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
