mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
