We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
