I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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