So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
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