dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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