Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
She bit a glass in half.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
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