I think I just saw someone hide a body.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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