And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
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