I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
