I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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