I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Randomize
