Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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