You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
