anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
