Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
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