We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
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